


So This Is What It's Like To Be You

by JamesAeza



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Just a lot of angst for you guys, M/M, Pain, Patton is a spoonie, Romance, Roommates, Self-Harm, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesAeza/pseuds/JamesAeza
Summary: Roommate AU, body swap! Think Freaky Friday style. Virgil and Roman switch, as do Logan and Patton.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 32
Kudos: 230





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know, creative title, right? Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this one as much as I did.

Virgil slowly forced his eyes open. Something did not seem quite right. Or rather, not right at all. Actually, a better way to describe it was that something was way more  _ right  _ than it usually was. 

As he stood and looked around the room, he noticed that he was not in his own bedroom, surrounded by My Chemical Romance posters and clothes all over the floor. This room was neat, and bright, and covered in Disney posters and- 

He knew where he was. But why had he fallen asleep in his roommate’s bed? He usually kept his interactions with the three other men he housed with to a minimum. And he was pretty sure he’d never been inside Roman’s room. He glanced around one more time, then glanced down. And almost screamed.

What had happened to his chest? Why was it suddenly… well, male? And muscular? And why did it not have a shirt on it? 

Sliding out of bed, he noticed something else on the other half of him, thankfully covered with sweatpants. The pants also rubbed at his thighs, which stung for some reason. He didn’t remember injuring them. 

What. The. Hell?

He finally pulled up the courage to look in the mirror, and this time he really did scream.

Roman stirred in bed, pulling the weighted blanket over his face to protect himself from the screams. Who was screaming at such an ungodly hour? Some people needed their beauty sleep. 

Wait. Back up. He was fairly sure that he did not own a weighted blanket. That would be Virgil or Logan. And as he poked his head out of the bedcovers, he became relatively sure that he was not in his own (fabulous) room. His was not gloomy, or messy, or plastered with posters of crappy bands that broke up in 2013. 

He slid out of bed. Maybe he’d had a little much to drink last night. He should probably go check with Virgil to make sure they hadn’t done anything regrettable together. As he slipped out of the bed, though, he noticed something very, very off. With his own body.

There were things in places that normally were empty, and nothing in places where there was usually a thing. It took his brain a solid twenty seconds to register the feelings before he ran his hands over his chest. 

His worst suspicions had been confirmed. Why on earth was he suddenly a  _ girl _ ?

Patton felt himself softly ease his way into consciousness, pleasantly warm and comfortable under a weighted blanket.

That was how he knew something was weird. 

He never woke up comfortable. There was always something, if not everything, wrong. Back pain. Chest pain. Migraine. He was never not in pain. 

Besides the fact that he’d never used a weighted blanket in his life. 

And that his ceiling was not painted to look like outer space. And that his room was not covered in bookshelves. And that there were usually at least a few things on the floor.

He shot up. This could not be right. Why was he in Logan’s room? And why didn’t he  _ hurt _ ?

He got to his feet, deciding to find Logan and ask if he knew anything. But now something was definitely weird. Patton was not this tall. And he was nearsighted, not farsighted. 

Groping around, though, he found a pair of glasses on the bedside table. Not his, but they made his vision even out. He decided to keep them on, at least until he figured out what was wrong. 

As he made his way to the door, though, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. And Patton was fairly sure that this was not what he looked like. This was what his roommate (and not to mention secret crush)  _ Logan _ looked like. So why was this image showing up when he himself looked in the mirror?

The second Logan could feel anything, he knew that something was extremely off. 

Everything  _ hurt _ . Why did he hurt? He hadn’t woken up feeling like this in years. Not since the other boys used to hit him at recess and he woke to the ache of the bruises. 

But it wasn’t exactly the same. This was different. And worse. 

He whimpered slightly and slid to his feet, worsening the pain tenfold. He nearly crumpled, but forced himself to hold up. He needed to know what had happened. 

As he gained back his waking mind, though, he noticed a few things. The room he was in was definitely not his. Plastered with baby photos of Patton and pictures of cute cats, it didn’t take him long to realize he’d woken in Patton’s bedroom. Why was that, though? He normally refused to sleep anywhere besides his own bed. 

And he still hadn’t solved the problem of why his whole body ached. 

As he glanced down, he added yet another question to the growing list. Why was he so short? Why was his frame so petite and thin? Logan had always been on the taller, larger side. 

And why was he dressed in a pale blue t-shirt and boxers that he’d never seen before in his life?

He looked towards Patton’s bed, noticing Patton’s glasses resting on the headboard. That was not a safe place to put glasses. 

But, wait- he could see the glasses? From here? But they were so close. Logan was fairly sure that last he had checked, he was farsighted. 

Just as a test, he pushed Patton’s glasses onto his face. Surprisingly enough, they straightened out his vision. 

Finally, his brain connected the dots. But… it didn’t make sense. It was not physically possible. A person couldn’t just  _ become  _ someone else… 

Could they?

As all four of them stumbled into the main room, there was a sudden silence. Odd, the apartment was almost always filled with shouts, arguments, frenetic phone calls, and loud music. 

They were each staring at another man. Or rather, they were staring at themselves. 

Roman was the first to speak. “I don’t know what’s going on with you all, but why am I a chick?”

Virgil flinched at his choice of words. “You’re not a  _ chick _ . And I don’t think any of us know what’s going on.”

Logan was the first to understand. “We… all… traded… brains.”

Patton answered him. “But- that’s impossible.”

“Well, do you have a better explanation?”

“I- no.”

“Okay.” Logan shook his head, flinching at the pain. “Everyone, go call in sick to anywhere you need to be. Then we’ll talk this out.”

Ten minutes later, they were all sitting together on the sofa. Virgil started the conversation. 

“Roman, can you please get a binder on? No one wants to see those.”

“What’s a binder?”

Virgil sighed. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Virgil led him into his own room, pulling a binder off the floor. “This one’s clean enough. Alright, take off your shirt.”

“What? In front of you?”

“Roman, it’s my body. I see it every day.”

Roman relented, removing the t-shirt. As Virgil helped him into the tight garment, he asked, “So you’re trans, huh?”

“Yep. I really did want to be stealth too. Oh, and today’s my T shot day, so we might as well do that now.”

Roman paled. “Umm… shot?”

Virgil laughed. “Oh, grow up. I give myself one every week.”

Roman pulled at the high neckline. “I literally cannot breathe. I am going to suffocate.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Virgil informed him, setting up the injection. “Okay, take off your pants. This needs to go in your thigh.”

Roman removed them, reminding himself that this wasn’t even his body. 

Virgil quickly finished preparing, and held the needle over Roman’s leg.

“You ready?”

“No,” he croaked.

“Shut your eyes.”

Roman obeyed. 

“Now breathe. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.”

Roman obliged. After a few repetitions, Virgil took advantage of his distraction and gave the shot. Roman yelped. 

Virgil finished quickly, chuckling to himself as he placed the bandaid. “There. Was that so bad?”

“Yes!”

Virgil just laughed, but paused pretty abruptly upon remembering something else. “My- er- your thighs, they kind of burn. Do you know why that is?”

Roman froze. “No, definitely not, nothing to see there, don’t bother to look.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes. “Well now I’m definitely looking.”

“No! I mean… no. Please. It’s my body and I believe I am entitled to bodily autonomy.”

“Well, no one’s ever been in this situation before, so there are no rules.” With that, he slid the sweatpants off his thighs. Roman looked away.

Virgil immediately understood what the other man hadn’t wanted him to see. Hundreds of fresh red cuts lined his thighs, complete with burning pain. 

“Oh, Roman…” he whispered, unsure how to respond. When Roman spoke, his voice was quiet and broken. 

“I wanted you to think better of me than this.”

Virgil shook his head. “I do. I think very highly of you. This doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person, just that you’ve got some stuff to work through.”

Roman looked up at him, surprise clear in his eyes. “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do. Now let’s get these cuts disinfected and bandaged, yeah?”

Back on the couch, Logan and Patton had their own issues to work through. Patton chose to start the conversation with something easy. “You sure are tall.”

“And you yourself are quite small.”

Patton nodded. He didn’t really want to talk about this, but he knew he had to. 

“I’m sure you’ve… noticed a few things by now.”

“That I am in constant excruciating pain? As a matter of fact I did.”

Patton flinched. “I- I’m sorry- I know it’s my pain- and if I could take it back I would-”

Logan put his hand up. Patton stopped talking, both looking and feeling like a frightened kitten. “It is all right. I know it is not your fault. If I seem upset, it is because I am upset at the fact that you must feel like this every day.”

Patton stopped. That hadn’t been what he was expecting. 

“You… care about that?”

“Of course I do. I care about you, don’t I?”

“You do?”

This time it was Logan’s turn to look shocked. “I… I supposed that was to be expected. I know I don’t show my care for others in the most conventional of ways, but I can assure you that I feel it.”

“I… I don’t really know what to say to that…”

“It’s okay. You do not have to.”

They sat in companionable silence for a minute before Patton broke it.

“You know what I like most about being petite?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s the perfect size to be manhandled.”

“Patton! Put me down this instant!”

Patton just giggled. 

Once all four of them were back together, they were ready to focus on the issue at hand. Logan offered the first suggestion.

“I believe we should wait before taking any steps. I hope that if we simply wait this out, it will pass.”

“So I have to stay female until this passes?” Roman complained.

“Welcome to the club, buddy.” Virgil said rudely. 

“Yes. And I have to stay in severe pain, and Patton has to stay tall and farsighted.”

“It’s really weird,” Patton put in. 

Logan cleared his throat. “Strange as this situation is, I don’t believe it’s all bad. Perhaps while we wait, we can all try to understand one other a little better.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two, as you all asked for. I don't think it really lives up to part one, but I had fun writing it and I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> This is pretty fluffy and a little stupid, but here goes.

Roman knew he shouldn’t. He wasn’t even sure why he wanted to. But Virgil had gone out for groceries, and Patton was at the library, and Logan was on the sofa wallowing in pain and self-pity. 

And there was something intriguing about Virgil’s room. 

It smelled like Virgil. It had posters of his favorite bands. His clothes were all over the floor. It was just so perfectly  _ his _ . And Roman loved it. 

As he traced the image of a small man marching in a mask and hat, he couldn’t help but feel curious. Spotting Virgil’s big black headphones on his sloppily-made bed, he guiltily picked them up and slid them over his ears, finger finding the play button. It seemed to be paused right in the middle of a song.

_ Sometimes I get the feeling _

_ She’s watching over me _

_ And other times I feel like I should go _

He knew he should go. He should want to go. But he was intrigued. He gently lowered himself down onto Virgil’s bed, hand sliding over the smooth blanket. Eyes flickering across the room, he noticed a string of fairy lights on the opposite wall. He chucked to himself a little. Virgil? Fairy lights? He wondered if they helped with the other man’s anxiety. He didn’t talk about it much, but Roman knew he suffered from it. 

_ A world that sends you reeling _

_ From decimated dreams _

_ Your misery and hate will kill us all _

He snorted. Leave it to his own emo nightmare to listen to the most stupidly depressing music on the market. 

_ His own? _ Where had that come from? Virgil was not his, or anyone’s, he was his own man. And he decidedly did not feel any complex things towards Roman. 

Not after the obnoxious facade he put up to hide the things he wanted to keep to himself. Though sometimes he found himself almost hoping, wishing, that Virgil could see through to his true colors. 

Patton anxiously set off for the library, three-ring binder in hand, playing with the too-tight tie that Logan had tied for him. Logan had explained that he could not miss this tutoring session, and that it was really very simple. He’d carefully showed him the principles and concepts he had to teach, (Patton definitely hadn’t been silently admiring his interest and enthusiasm while he explained,) and Logan had faith that this operation would go off without a hitch.

Patton had a little less confidence. He repeated to himself what he had to remember. 

_ The kiddo’s name is Remus. _

_ He is nine years old. _

_ You are teaching basic fractions. You learned them when you yourself were nine. _

_ There is no reason to be nervous. _

_ What could go wrong?  _

As he entered the air-conditioned building, he looked around for a kiddo that fit the bill. Brown hair, bright green eyes, and a minecraft themed t-shirt. He noticed him in the corner, doodling in a notebook. He quickly made his way over, sitting down next to the little boy and attempting his best Logan impression. 

“Hello, Remus. Nice to see you again.”

Remus just grunted at him. 

“What are you drawing there?” 

The boy turned the notebook towards him so he could see. He had to physically stop himself from gasping. The first thing he noticed was a number of stick figures murdering each other in a multitude of unique and gruesome manners. 

Patton should not have agreed to this. It was Logan and his stupid adorable pleading voice, along with his well-timed pained whimpers that had gotten the better of him. 

“That’s… very nice. Why don’t we take a look at that homework of yours?”

Remus pulled several crumpled pages out of his bag, encrusted with gum and something else that was green and unidentifiable. 

Why was Patton such a sucker for tall, serious men? He’d have to make sure no one found out that Logan practically had him wrapped around his finger. Especially Logan himself.

“Logan?”

“Mmf.”

Logan was flopped on the couch, face in a pillow. Judging by his posture and expression, Patton decided to skip the obligatory ‘how are you’. 

“What hurts?”

“Everything.”

“Specifically?”

“Back. Head.”

“Okay.” Patton was back a moment later with a few of his own pills. He offered them to Logan, who took them without question. Patton smiled a little. As much as it hurt to see Logan in pain, it was sort of endearing how trusting he was in this state. 

“Alright, I need you to stand up for me.” He made sure not to phrase it like it was optional, he knew that if given an option he would never move, but he had to if he wanted it to ease at all. 

“Noo,” Logan protested, voice muffled. 

“Yep. Up we go.” Patton helped, or rather, forced, Logan into a sitting position, then pulled him to his feet. He made sure to help him stay up before gently easing him to the floor. 

“We’re gonna do some stretches, okay?”

“No. Not okay.” 

Patton sighed. “Look, I know it hurts, okay? I know it hurts a lot. But moping’s just gonna make it worse. Now please. Let me help you.”

“...if I have to.”

“You do.” Logan rolled his eyes, and Patton gently placed his hands on the other man, easing him into the least-painful stretching position he could think of. Despite his efforts, he heard Logan let out a whine. 

Patton’s heart ached, but he kept going, slowly helping him with more and more difficult exercises. When Logan looked to be at his breaking point, Patton lifted him back onto the sofa and pulled off Logan’s shirt. 

“What’re you doing?”

“This is called a back brace,” he used his most calming voice while gently putting it on Logan. “It’ll help.”

“Okay.”

Patton smiled. He got onto the sofa and situated Logan in his lap, shushing his protests. 

“Do you wanna watch a movie? Sometimes a distraction feels nice.”

“That sounds… very pleasant, Patton.”

“For the last time, I am not going to your stupid play! I am not an actor, nor am I a singer! I don’t even know your lines!”

“If I miss one more rehearsal, I’m going to get kicked out! _ Do you want that to happen to me?? _ Theater is my  _ life! _ ”

“So dramatic, Princey. I’m sure you’ll find a different play to be in. I am not going to do this.”

“Not if everyone knows me as a dropout! You have to do this. I beg of you!” Roman dropped to his knees, hands together in a pleading motion. 

Virgil quirked up one eyebrow at his antics. “Maybe if you do that again.”

Hope exploded on Roman’s face. “Really?” Virgil stifled a giggle, though, something shifted in him a little. 

“If you teach me the lines and songs, and you go to my job for me, and you do  _ that  _ again, yes, I will.” Oh, why was he like this? Why did he suddenly feel like, despite not being the one on his knees, Roman was in charge of him?

Roman was ready to give a performance to defend his role. “Oh, dearest Virgil, I kneel before you humbly to beg for your gracious assistance in this dilemma. I will do all you ask. I will serve you for all your days.”

Wait, why was Virgil blushing? He prayed that Roman wouldn’t notice. 

“Though I have not much to offer, I can give you my eternal gratitude and submission to your every whim, please, complete this task to claim your reward.”

“Alright, I’ll go. Get up, you moron.”

Roman yipped with happiness, jumping to his feet and enveloping a shocked Virgil in a tight hug. 

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Virgil quickly had Roman at arm’s length, hands on his shoulders. The mood quieted down a little at the serious look in his eyes. “Can I extract one more promise?”

“For you, anything.”

“Don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

Roman flushed, shifting his gaze down toward his shoes. Though he could seemingly beg at Virgil’s feet with his pride intact, this humiliated him. 

“Don’t be embarrassed about this. I care about you and that’s not what I want for someone I care about.”

Roman looked up again, eyes wide and innocent. “I don’t think I can promise that. But I can promise I’ll try. For you.”

“That’s all I can ask for,” Virgil told him gently before pulling him back into the hug.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a kiddo so we put Remus in. That was a pretty fun thing. 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you thought, I feed on comments at this point. Thank you for reading and if you see a grammar mistake, roast me. 
> 
> Let me know if you'd like to see more of these idiots, I could do them all switching back or I could do another scenario if someone has got an idea.

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a whole lot of fun to write. It might get a part two with all of them trying to pretend to be each other, tell me if I should give it one.  
> Let me know if you enjoyed, I always appreciate a good comment, I take constructive criticism, and feel free to ruin me if you see a grammar mistake. I have no excuse for bad grammar.


End file.
